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5 Mainstream Ads that can be used to Promote Porn

Thursday, December 20th, 2012 by

5 Mainstream Ads that can be used to Promote Porn

There are many people who go back to the past to look for answers and sometimes they realize that the past is not always as wholesome as many people may want you to believe. Here are some examples of how some ads from the past were naively (diabolically?) created as if they were really ads for a porn movie.

SKINLESS WIENERS FOR GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS

skinless

The guy who invented these sausages is nothing but a prankster, because there is nothing funnier than food shaped like a penis. You may not know this, but one of the advantages of living in the time we live in is getting sausages the way we know, because before they use to be shoved into sheep intestine casings, yes that’s right you heard me sheep intestines!! So suddenly technology was able to get rid of the sheep intestines and the advertising geniuses decided that the best way to advertise the product was with the following phrase:

Wieners with No Skins!!

Please don’t tell me I am the only one that is having all kinds of dirty thoughts when I know that you too are thinking about circumcised penises, condom free sex and much more, to me all this advertising are like some of the first rap songs, they give you enough to start giggling, but not too much to be censored by the main stream media.

 

TOSS THAT SALAD

toss salad

I really don’t even use that phrase outside of the sex arena, I am not quite sure if the advertising execs at Heinz have any idea of how that phrase was going to be used in the future. I hope I don’t find other products called “Choking the chicken” or “Tickling the taco” in any other cooking ads.

MICKEY WANTS TO PUT HIS MILK INSIDE YOU

mickeyandminni

Just read that phrase out loud and replace Minnie’s name for your bosses name “Inside of you, Minnie – My milk is the best thing in the World!” when he arrives screaming at you, tell him you simply wanted to share this ad with him.

I am sure that you have heard all the crazy theories about Walt Disney being part of some conspiracy theories painting penises in the cover of his movies, and the word Sex in the Lion King movie, well I don’t know about you, but this ad makes me very suspicious that all those stories were true and maybe Walt himself was a little bit on the other side if you know what I mean ;)

 

WHAT ABOUT MENS UNDERWEAR? LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

ad

Let’s suppose that every man that is reading this column is gay, but not just the regular level of gay, but the most exhibitionist and flamboyant type there are.  Even at that level I will bet my left nut that you are not hanging around in your underwear as often and in so many different activities as the gentlemen shown in these ads.

Let’s analyze the above ad, I really don’t know (because you guys never invite me to your crazy parties), but I greatly suspect that it is not a common activity to engage into a wrestling match with other men in your underwear, or this ad is exaggerating the activity or the marketing executive simply lost their market, or it is probably one of those activities that people used to do back in the day. Well at least the ad gives a little bit of context; the two men are in a locker room and I want to believe that it was some common activity back then, because I have been in many men’s locker rooms and I have never witnessed anything like this.

 

Speaking of…

socks

I have nothing against people dressing in ways that defies the gender expectations, but I think there should be a better way to sell socks to men don’t you think? I mean I understand that men may love his suspenders but I am not quite sure the market they are aiming for shares the same passion.

THERE MUST BE A BETTER WAY TO ADVERTISE BANANAS: MOST FLAVORFUL

bananas

There are so many things wrong with this ad that I am not going to start enumerating them, I will simply say that there are two types of people who I hate, the people who don’t have fun and the people who made this ad.

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